Author: Lama Ole Nydahl

Sometimes I manage to fight anger quite well, but often this feeling turns into a strong sadness. What does that mean?

Lama Ole’s answer:

It is a sign that you have strong purifications. You jumped into this with deep interest and full of openness. You walked the way of the Buddha and have seen that there is suffering, that suffering has causes, and that perhaps there is an end to suffering.

You are strongly interested in bringing suffering to an end. And the more energy, openness, and trust you put into the practice, the more challenges will also come up. There can actually be situations where one goes through all kinds of things and thus cannot have much meaningful contact with many people. That is why we have retreats. There you can dump everything on the table without people constantly criticizing. You can silently go through many inner processes. It is best to do this with one’s teacher or in a group retreat. When the difficulty is gone, then one comes out and can be sociable again.

You are gifted and have really understood that the mind cannot be destroyed. Everything difficult that happens—that comes from the inside—is a purification. In these cases, you can be certain of three things: it won’t be too much, you will learn something from it, and you will always get rid of something.

It is important that you say a lot of mantras, a lot of KARMAPA CHENNO, and that you stay focused. You should also think about the emptiness of things: that everything appears, changes, and dissolves again, that things are not as real as you want to make them. The ego also likes to hide in the drama of the purification process. If you meditate, the energy channels will open up, you’ll go through purifications, but then get back to work. Don’t get absorbed with the drama too much.

What’s the purpose of the tantric union practices?

Lama Ole’s answer:

In tantric union practice, the main focus is to bring the male and female together to become “complete.” Of course we maintain our outward appearance, but on the inner and secret levels, we can quickly adopt the other gender’s qualities: men gain the intuition inherent in the women, and women obtain the strength of the men. On the deepest level, the man receives the space that transforms everything into something beyond personal, while the woman obtains the joy that rounds everything off.

The practice is very good if one is truly capable of doing it. Men and women can really complement each other that way. Women have certain energies in their bodies that contain different wisdoms and insights: There is a mirror-like wisdom which shows everything the way it really is. There’s an equalizing wisdom that shows the complexity of things. There is also a discriminating wisdom, a wisdom of experience, and an intuitive, all-pervading wisdom. If the man goes to the woman as if he is going to a temple, full of respect and dignity, if he opens up to her and is able to see her on a very high level, he will receive these wisdoms. If the woman approaches the man in same way, she will receive the four activities: the pacifying activity, the enriching activity, the fascinating activity, and the powerfully protecting activity.

On the deepest level, the female is like a lotus flower—warm, open, and happily holding something—while the male is like a diamond which enjoys radiating on its own. But a lotus that doesn’t hold anything and a diamond that doesn’t radiate for anybody are of no use. This is why it is important to bring the female and the male together. On the inner and secret levels, this encounter brings forth a complete human being.

But even if one has accomplished this, one still has desire for the other. Actually, once one has become liberated from hindrances and veils, one’s physical appearance might become more distinctly male or female and one’s ability to love becomes stronger. And on the inner and secret levels, there is great enrichment.

What is the best way to integrate Buddhist practice into everyday life?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Here it’s about doing a mix of formal and intuitive practice whenever possible. I would try to spontaneously intersperse short periods of meditation throughout the day whenever the situation permits. It is also good to have fixed meditation sessions during the day as the basis. For example, after the last embrace in the morning, I would sit down with my partner and take refuge together for five minutes or concentrate on the three lights from the Karmapa meditation.

One can also use any break during the day to let Karmapa arise in space and concentrate on the lights. One can try as much as possible to see everything as pure and beautiful. On your way to work on the bus or train, you can imagine the Buddha or Karmapa sitting on a board above the heads of everyone. Then in your mind, you pull the boards away and let the Buddha or Karmapa fall down into their hearts and start to shine.

I would always concentrate on space and bliss as inseparable. Try to see space as that which contains all things and not as what separates them. That means not just directing your consciousness forward—habitually following your nose and eyes—but being aware of the space all around yourself as well.

It’s about experiencing consciousness as something similar to space, as something that expands in every direction. This point is really important, so I often emphasize it. If one experiences that meter of distance between oneself and others not as separation but instead as space—a container that encompasses us all—one will experience more and more joy. By developing this view, by always focusing on what unites and brings us together, experiences and abilities that go beyond what we’re used to will arise quite naturally. Suddenly, we know who is calling before the phone rings, or we think of a friend and a short time later we get a letter from him. This happens because mind in its joyful, relaxed state expresses all its wisdom and abilities.

When we arrive at work, we can now see something exciting and meaningful in every situation. To the ladies I would point out their beauty and wisdom and to the gentlemen their power and joy. This way their attention will be directed towards their strengths, and they will be in closer contact with their potential. At work we then think, “I don’t just have a duty here; I have a mission. Through what I do today, I can touch many beings and maybe give them something useful that brings them joy.”

In moments when there is nothing to do and nobody is demanding your attention, you can completely relax for a short while, absorb the three lights, and give away the good impressions to all beings afterwards. If you have a more physical job in which you don’t need to think so much, you can keep repeating a mantra the whole time.

We really can look at everything on the highest level. For example, even machines we can see as an expression of the intelligence of inventors who created something that functions so well. During the morning break or lunch, again we can interact with people in the most meaningful ways, seeing the freshest and most beautiful aspects of all that happens. While eating, we can also give everything as a gift to Karmapa in our minds.

Maybe at work you have a boss who is an impossible guy, but you just think, “How wonderful. Without difficult people there’s no patience, and without patience there’s no enlightenment. Many thanks!” So no matter what’s going on, one makes the best possible use of one’s time, always seeing the best in people and learning from whatever happens. On the way home, we can then let Karmapa fall into the hearts of everyone on the bus again.

Those who couldn’t do any prostrations in the morning should definitely do them after work. The reason is that repeatedly “throwing down” your body will align your own energies. Your energy level will rise so much that you can subtract an hour of sleep time for every hour of prostrations you do. They also give tremendous strength and we become more able to do something for others.

When there is nothing thrilling on TV, you can also meditate on Diamond Mind to purify all negative impressions accumulated over countless lifetimes. Or you can do your current personal practice. And finally in the evening, you can take your loved one to bed and practice the union of bliss and emptiness, the meeting of wisdom and compassion.

When the time to sleep comes, sitting in bed, we can do a final meditation on the emptiness–clarity of mind, the Clear Light Meditation. Afterwards we lie down and remain in a state of limitless light all night. The next morning, the light shines back into us, we emerge out of space as the buddha aspect of our choice, and we take refuge and go out again into the world. This way, one makes full use of the twenty-four hours in the day.

When I am resting in open space during meditation, after a very short time my ego disrupts the experience. Is there an antidote against this?

Lama Ole’s answer:

I would always praise the ego until it completely loses its footing. I would say, “Fantastic, what wisdom! You already know that you are losing control if you play along, if you allow for space. Very smart how you are doing this!” Or you can think, “Oh, this is the ego. It always comes around here. Take a cup of tea, ego, I’m meditating!” We simply continue one-pointedly. And one day, we’ve made it. At some point the ego finally dissolves.

But don’t turn the pet into a predator. There can be reasons why the ego is resisting. It could be that in the beginning, the perfect experience of emptiness is too strong; it might throw you out of balance. You may first have to build up even more good impressions in the store consciousness before you can allow all this. It is also possible that one area—for example, intellectual understanding—is already very developed, while another area—like emotional maturity—isn’t so developed yet. There one has to give the development some time.

So don’t get mad at the ego. Think instead, “Aha, that surely has its meaning!” or “that clearly makes sense!” or “that will definitely help me with something!” and then simply go on. I wouldn’t fight it wildly. That just puts energy into ego games, which will only get stronger this way. Just continue until it dissolves by itself from its lack of strength.

How do the disturbing emotions transform into the buddha wisdoms, and what do these wisdoms mean?

Lama Ole’s answer:

When looking at disturbing emotions, our view is very important: From the view of the eagle, everything is wisdom. From the view of the mole, everything is a disturbing emotion. Only few take the eagle’s view, while most experience anger, jealousy, etc. But if one doesn’t respond to the emotions, if one simply lets them appear in mind and dissolve in mind again, then an entirely new dimension appears, a completely new experience—the way coal dust transforms into diamonds.

When anger dissolves again, mirror-like wisdom appears—like a mirror showing everything as it is. One sees things and recognizes them precisely for what they are. One doesn’t add or remove anything. This ability to see clearly is compared to the lucidity of a diamond.

In the case of pride, one has the chance to transform narrow pride—thinking, “I am better than you!”—into all-inclusive pride, thinking, “We all are great!” And when pride dissolves back into the mind, then one suddenly recognizes that everything is composed of a great number of conditions. Nothing appears by itself; everything is interdependent. This is called equalizing wisdom, because everything takes on the same taste of richness—like jewels that shine by themselves.

What does it mean if we laugh while dreaming?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Laughter is a release of pressure. It has different meanings in different cultures. In some cultures, you show your teeth when you laugh as a sign that you’re not dangerous. Or you show your hands—that might be the first smile. This means something like, “I don’t have any weapons; I am not hiding anything,” and so on.

In the Himalayas, they laugh when someone falls. It’s not malicious joy, but rather to help the mind not hold on to what is happening. They laugh when someone trips so that the person who fell doesn’t take it too seriously. This laughter is a useful reaction.

In our culture, it’s simply liberating to laugh. When you laugh, you release energy and feel good. It’s healthy—people who laugh a lot get beautiful faces.

Is there a way to remember our dreams when waking up?

If one remembers a dream, it is because the mind somehow considers it to be significant. If we enjoy life during the day and everything goes well, then it is possible that we remember very little of our dreams. Dreams are probably always a sign that something is happening, simmering, and fermenting—that something is being processed.

If one is reasonably relaxed, then there will probably be less going on. If one wants to have a better memory in general, there is a blessing for this. We can also strongly resolve to remember our dreams before falling asleep. In the morning, while waking up, we remind ourselves of this and then the experiences come up again.

How can one use dreams on the way to enlightenment?

Lama Ole’s answer:

If we hold on to the moment where we know, “this is a dream,” and then expand this feeling more and more, we can become fully enlightened this way.

We have yogis who got enlightened while dreaming and in deep sleep—maybe not so many, but it has happened. If one recognizes the moment of dreaming and extends it into the day, this can provide great protection and keep a lot of disturbing emotions away.

Why are dreams so difficult to interpret?

Lama Ole’s answer:

If there is little emotion involved, then dreams are often only old, torn-off images from the store consciousness, which have little to do with you. Only if there is an emotional reaction involved—one feels good or bad—then the dream has meaning.

In dreams that feel important, the mind wants to tell itself something but it can’t really face up to it. So it encrypts the messages of the subconscious to the conscious. The subconscious plays hide and seek. It is worthwhile to look at this a bit because some parts of dreams do have meaning.

Is it possible to receive real teachings in dreams?

Lama Ole’s answer:

The teacher you hear or see the most in your dreams is very, very important for you. He is probably your root teacher, with whom you have the strongest experience and connection. Here it is quite possible to connect with his power-field, exchange knowledge, and really learn something.

If you dream of the lama and, for example, are talking about flowers or drinking tea, it can be a kind of opening of the subconscious. And if you really feel a lot, then suddenly a new level of development—an “aha” experience—breaks through. This then is a true blessing, and you can get strength, energy, and knowledge from the teacher in this way.

But you must never act solely on the basis of the dream! You always have to check whether what you’ve dreamt makes you fat, is immoral, breaks the law, and so on. You have to check whether it is compatible with the regular world. So don’t jump out the window without a parachute, or something like that. Instead, check the information with sound common sense.

What does it mean if we dream of the Karmapa or of you?

Lama Ole’s answer:

If you dream of me, then your virtue is gone! No but seriously, one can say that the teacher is the direct gateway to our own buddha nature. The teacher is actually the mirror showing us our own face.

So if you dream of buddha forms, hear mantras, or see your lama, then this actually means that you have direct access to your own buddha nature. This is very good! It means that the veils of dust on the mind are quite thin and that the timeless nature of mind is close to breaking through. Another positive aspect of dreaming of the teacher is that if one dies and doesn’t have Phowa, then one has a very good chance of seeing the teacher shortly after death or while dying.

There are Buddhist teachings about attachment that describe the body as something impure. Isn’t this a contradiction of the Diamond Way teachings? 

Lama Ole’s answer:

The Buddha gave teachings for different people. He taught monks and nuns to consider physical sensations as something unpleasant since it is dangerous for them—for their peace of mind. He told lay people that the body is a way to give joy and a means through which to work with the mind. On the highest level, it is said that there are 72,000 energy channels in the body, all of them radiant, all of them meaningful. One sees the female part as a lotus flower and the male part as a diamond. One regards the whole body as a mandala, a power-field of light and energy.

If we practice on the Diamond Way level and consider the body impure, then we are breaking our bonds. If we experience somebody else’s body as unpleasant, repulsive, impure, or meaningless, we are stepping out of the buddhas’ power-field.

I have no idea how the monks work with this; maybe they keep it disconnected in their minds. But if one practices on the level of the Diamond Way, if one has received teachings on Mahamudra and then considers the body as something impure, then one actually throws everything away again. I always tell my students that highest truth is highest joy, and one should hold this level as well as one can.

If we fall in love with someone who is in a relationship, what is the best way to handle it?

Lama Ole’s answer:

If the existing relationship is going well, if both partners enjoy each other’s company and are doing well, then I would certainly look for another lady or gentleman. Even if there are obvious signs that things aren’t working anymore, I would wait until the karmic connection between the partners has dissolved.

If two people come together too soon, while the former partner is completely unhappy about the separation, then the new couple is creating negative karma. One should wait for the relationship to fall apart by itself. And then, when it is over and the old partners are able to wish each other well, the new connection will be good too.

When we have a sudden feeling of attraction for someone, it is because we have a bond with the person who has crossed our path. And it is not possible to make any moral judgement about it. I would never judge this. Nevertheless, it is advisable not to follow this feeling immediately; it might be strong, but it also might pass by again quickly.

One reason to take your time when going into a new relationship is that both good actions and bad actions in the past can be the cause for people to come together. Within a short period of time, one can feel whether something positive or negative is approaching. In a situation where things become more and more difficult, that which ties you to the other person is something bad, and you still have the chance to move apart again. This is why you shouldn’t throw away what you already have too quickly, just to get into something you are not sure about. That’s my advice. Be a bit mindful—both good actions and bad actions have their glue and bind us together.

Sometimes a partnership might have simply become a bit boring. In that case, the relationship may actually be strengthened and revived again by having a new player join the game for a short while. That advice is important for laypeople. But keep in mind that the purpose is to preserve the relationship, in particular if there are children.

For yogis, something else is important. Here the point is to use one’s sexuality to create the maximum amount of joy—so as to develop as quickly as possible. For the yogis, it is crucial to get to know people to practice with, and to experience a great amount of space and bliss. And here, one isn’t necessarily limited to one person. One can let oneself be inspired by a few partners.

I once heard you say that when a woman has an affair, it is more alarming for a partnership than when a man does it. How exactly did you mean that?

Lama Ole’s answer:

I am always in close contact with people. They come to me and write letters asking me for advice. Hence, I can deduce certain patterns. They might not be valid for everybody, but I would say that they are valid in most cases.

Based on what I’ve seen and heard, I do think that for the woman, the mental level of a relationship is more important, whereas for the man it’s the physical relationship. As long as the man doesn’t build up a relationship of trust with another woman, women don’t feel too disturbed if their partner has fun somewhere else from time to time. On the other hand, a woman can have her five movie stars pinned up on the wall, and it doesn’t bother the man as long as dinner is cooked when he comes home. But he doesn’t want her to go to bed with other men. The physical level is more important for the man, while the mental level is more important for the woman.

Quite often, an affair has a different meaning for a man and for a woman—there is certainly a difference there. If a man has an affair, it might just be because he was in a good mood. A man goes out, has some fun, wakes up in another bed, checks whether she’s a blonde or a redhead, and then goes home and forgets about it. But if a woman does this, in most cases it’s because her relationship is somehow in bad shape. When a woman has an affair, it reveals more about the state of a relationship than when a man does it. That’s why there is the saying, “What Caesar does is not so important; look instead at what Caesar’s wife does to discover the true state of the nation.”

It is said that one should avoid causing sexual harm. However, if one doesn’t want to be monogamous, this happens rather quickly, doesn’t it?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Yes, that’s true. Sexuality also means suffering. It’s a very strong thing. Desire is the strongest of the emotions; it’s the cause for our human rebirth.

People take their emotions seriously. That’s why we should be careful and shouldn’t break hearts for no reason. Breaking hearts is not a good sport! At first, one might consider oneself someone special, above the drama of broken hearts. But then one day somebody comes along and breaks one’s own heart. It can happen that one partner in the relationship falls in love with somebody else. One should always try to handle it as responsibly as possible.