Lama Ole’s answer:
Think about the interconnectedness of everything—that you are not really separate from others. If you want to be useful for others, then make the very strong wish to be able to give them what they need. Then you will do the right thing spontaneously and effortlessly, without thinking that now you are doing this for someone else. This is the goal.
Lama Ole’s answer:
Then do what is closest in front of your nose! If you are writing a letter, finish it; then if there is a cup of coffee in front of you, drink it, and so on. You keep your body busy with the things that have to be done while holding everything else in mind. Then the difficulties smooth out, and gradually everything will fall into your hands like ripe fruit.
First, try to look at things clearly without being disturbed by fixed ideas and strong feelings. This means not going up and down like in an elevator all the time but coming to rest and perceiving things directly, just as they are. There can be the problem of becoming too stiff or losing compassion, where one is too closed and wants to control everything. But if you approach things in a relaxed and open way, you’ll see what needs to be done.
It is important that you stay in your middle and have confidence in yourself. You stand there with inner strength. And then, from this level of strength, you will see what fantastic things can happen. If you can hold the middle, then the rest will come by itself. If you run away from your middle and look for something else, you will only get confusion and difficulties.
This is what good karma amounts to: one has so many good impressions in mind that one rests in whatever happens. One doesn’t have to prove or excuse anything, or move anything from here to there. If we can do this, then we’ll also see which difficulties we create for ourselves. If the barriers of the ego get in the way of this, then the Lama can give advice.
Lama Ole’s answer:
In some respects, there comes a time when one has to admit that they are “ready for the museum.” On some points they won’t be able to change and will just stay with the views and expressions of their time. In those cases, keep talking to them in a way they can understand and which benefits them. Try to keep things they can’t understand at all away from them, because for them it is now about enjoying a happy old age. You can tell yourself, “I can’t change them anyway, so I will just be friendly.”
On the other hand, there are actually situations where a spark of life is noticeable, and then one can try to tell them that they should change something, that they aren’t too old to try something new! But one really shouldn’t be angry, because parents are difficult out of stupidity, not malice. They wish their children only the best, but they can hardly understand their own situation. And if you are dependent on their support, then it is very difficult for them indeed when you argue with them too much.
Lama Ole’s answer:
In any situation, one should treat people like grownups and tell them that they have to face the consequences of their actions.
Many grownups are like children. They don’t know what’s right and wrong, and thus they behave like children. Then one has to tell them, “This will be rewarded like this and that will be punished like that. This is how the world works; now make your choice!” Cut through the situation in a cheerful, beyond-personal way, and tell them clearly: “You have to leave now, please,” not “Unfortunately, I have to….” Because if one treats grownups like children, then they will behave like children. And if children don’t have to face limits, they will become neurotic.
Lama Ole’s answer:
Yes, I think so! I will give you an example of how I deal with impatience. Impatience is always pleasant if it is like driving a car with the rev-counter in the green zone.
In the low, white zone, the pistons are pounding too hard, which is not good, and in the red zone the oil film may be damaged. So it is about staying in the middle, two to six thousand revolutions per minute.
The trick is to always have so many things to do at the same time that you stay within these limits. For example, if people are always asking a lot from you, then you are totally present with them. If they are a bit less close, you can do various practical things. And if they are well occupied with themselves, then maybe you can be with them and still write letters to keep your connections to others. If you always stay in the green, then you are using your impatience well and it becomes as useful as possible for everyone.
Lama Ole’s answer:
I would say the easiest way is to avoid situations where you usually fall into the water. If you feel stronger after a period of avoiding something, then you can see the situation with more humor; you can laugh about it and see it from a beyond-personal level.
Also, if you start to keep more of a distance, then in the end you will be able to “let the thief come to an empty house.” This means simply not putting any energy into a feeling of impatience or agitation. Instead, see how the feeling runs here and there and how it tries to provoke you, but you don’t do anything. Then you can even use the energy of these feelings to wash the dishes, clean the car, or dig in the garden.
So to begin with, avoid situations where you get impatient. Once you are stronger and have more distance, you realize that it is like a dream anyway and you can observe the feeling without reacting to it.
But patience has to be learned, and it doesn’t simply mean holding out and reacting after a delay. One could sit there like a cat, waiting for hours for a mouse to finally pounce on it. This is not patience! It is important to create space for oneself, to be able to look at the situation from a distance. In this way a transformation can take place, if one wants to work with it. During this process, one can mature in such a way that more and more space and freedom arise. One develops more options for handling difficulties and no longer experiences any absolute blockage or obstacles.
Lama Ole’s answer:
To have no patience means to get angry. And getting angry burns all the different good karmas. The many positive impressions in one’s mind burn away and disappear.
There are a lot of beings in the world who think, say, and do good things—beings who build up a lot of positivity. But every time they get to a level where a change—a new dimension of awareness—is required, fear and uncertainty arise. Then the beings start to get angry and fall down. When the old habitual feelings and thoughts spread out again, the beings build up good things once more, fall down again, build up again, and so on.
Lama Ole’s answer:
Definitely not. A very important pillar of our work is the Bodhisattva Promise. From the moment you take this promise, when you work against your anger, fewer and fewer unpleasant people will come to you. I promise you this.
The same thing happens when you stop killing mosquitoes. Then fewer and fewer mosquitoes will come and bite you, because they have the karma for a short life and if they don’t get killed by you then they have to go somewhere else. This is how it is when you stop being angry. The angry people will then go somewhere else because they don’t have a connection with you. You won’t see them anymore.
Hannah and I took the Bodhisattva Promise with Karmapa on a full moon in September, 1970. Before that, there were always fights and big quarrels. I don’t know where the angry people have gone; I don’t have anything to do with them anymore. I only meet nice people everywhere. At times there are a few “rumor-mill people,” but they also say less and less.
It’s like this: one moves within certain power-fields or energy-fields. If, for example, one leaves a circle of violence, then one won’t meet those people anymore. If the violence—the disturbing emotions—are removed from oneself, then one doesn’t have anything to do with them anymore.
Hannah and I observed this throughout the five years we were in the Himalayas. For example, we never saw an animal being slaughtered. And slaughtering happens on every street right at the roadside. We have never been to a festival with sacrifices, where entire mountains are soaked in blood. I have never seen this. I’ve seen only the happy goats, and afterwards a few goat cutlets.
By taking this Bodhisattva Promise, a great deal of harshness, negativity, and things that cause pain and suffering will disappear from your life. I can promise you this.
Lama Ole’s answer:
If it helps you avoid anger, then it is okay to have a feeling of arrogance or any other substitute feeling. You can have this until you get tired of it—then it will also leave.
Treat anger like a poison: You simply have to split it into less dangerous components and then break it down further. In the end, you can spread it on the ground as fertilizer.
Almost any means is allowed to avoid anger. I also recommend you to think, “I only have to spend ten minutes with him, but he has to be with himself twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.” This is also slightly arrogant, because you put yourself above someone else. But if it keeps you away from an outburst of anger, then it has been useful as well.
In the end one merely watches and thinks, “Why does he do that?” One doesn’t have any anger anymore and can’t understand where it went.
Lama Ole’s answer:
If he is willing to say a mantra, then a few million repetitions of OM MANI PEME HUNG would be good. That removes a lot of aggression.
I myself lost interest in fighting during my first visit to a nude sauna. There I suddenly saw how much naked skin there is that can be injured, how vulnerable people really are. When I left the sauna I thought, “Now I will protect them. Now I won’t beat them up anymore; I will change the program.” And that was very good!
Answer of Lama Ole :
If you don’t have any anger in yourself, then you won’t feel any anger outside! I promise you: it is a question of ring and hook. If there is no ring for the hook of your anger to catch, then you see the supposed opponent as a strange animal in a zoological garden performing somersaults. No angry feeling can arise; you only think, “Strange, why does he act in such a funny way?”
By meditating and removing anger in yourself, you become like a duck: everything poured onto you streams down on all sides and you don’t get wet. This is what we are aiming for.
You might cover the whole world outside with leather to walk in comfort. This would be nice, but also a lot of work. Or instead you meditate, which is like putting on shoes. Then you have your own small piece of leather to walk on, and it also doesn’t hurt.
Lama Ole’s answer:
Yes, it is quite possible that in a previous life someone took your partner away or killed you. This could be your karma.
This is actually one of the reasons it is so difficult to stop wars. Many beings kill each other and then meet again in another life in all kinds of countries just to kill each other again and again. The only antidote is that the people in an area become so positive that those with bad karma don’t get born in those countries anymore.
Lama Ole’s answer:
If we stop the “either-or” and “me-you” confrontations, if we stop hoping and fearing, this doesn’t mean that we suddenly become friendly vegetables, sitting around, looking at our navels and saying “OM” every hour.
When one has removed the disturbing emotions, then one becomes really effective. Beyond what we think, what we want, what we imagine, beyond this level lies the total joy, power, love—the full energy of our mind. Everything is there, and only when the disturbing emotions are gone can it express itself completely.
We don’t allow anything and everything to be done to us. We don’t become passive or sit around like an ascetic who permits everything without interfering. When the disturbing emotions are gone, then we step in. We become like a “crazy elephant,” as Milarepa said; we do exactly what is needed, without expectations or fear. We react like a sword and cut through wherever necessary.
When you switch from an “either-or” to a smooth “both-and” way of thinking, then you can work with the energies and lead them where you want. So instead of stopping the tiger, you tie a plow to its tail. You direct it, and then it plows the entire piece of land you wanted to sow.
I myself see everything unpleasant as a purification and everything pleasant as a blessing. I see what harms beings, what causes their problems. And with a beyond-personal motivation, I then step in and let things happen the way I want. This happens to all of us as soon as our own expectations and fears are gone. You suddenly have much more strength than before. You’re more effective and certain in what you do. If you are sure that you are doing the right thing, without ego, then you are much stronger and more persistent. But you must not get angry in the process.
In many martial arts, it is said that you must beware the anger of a patient man, because he knows what he is doing. He hasn’t wasted his energy in five minutes of drama. He works in a focused way on what he wants. Always make sure that everything you do emerges from a simple, good conscience; otherwise you lose face. You sit there with egg in your beard and nobody can take you seriously.
The way to change could look like this:
At the beginning, for example, you might go to vote thinking, “Where will I get the biggest amount of money?” or “How can I avoid further speed limits?” On the next level you might think, “What benefits everybody? What brings them more and more freedom and lets them all thrive?” On the third level, you know what you do is right and you simply do what is in front of your nose. There are no more doubts. You are beyond personal; you do what is most useful.
With a Buddhist attitude, one never becomes a “wimp.” However, we already misunderstand this a little bit too. Buddhist countries are usually easy to overrun and destroy. When attacked, they don’t defend themselves well enough. This applies to the countries that were mostly governed by monks. When there were more practical people—laymen and yogis—they could defend themselves better.
If one thinks, “Everybody has Buddha nature; they are fine and we don’t need to protect ourselves,” then the neighbor—who might have only been a little villain—becomes a big villain because he was given the chance, because no one showed him his limits so that he could learn to behave well.
We should be strong and able to protect ourselves!
Lama Ole’s answer:
Keep trying until the people don’t make you aggressive anymore. If you think about the fact that all people—even those who make you mad—can expect sickness, old age, and death, then your anger will turn into compassion.
Look at your antagonist like this: He was born, that hurt, he cried, he was so little and unprotected. During his life he had many wishes; some were fulfilled, others weren’t. Right now he wants many things he can’t get. He wants to avoid many things he can’t avoid. Maybe he wants to avoid you but you’re there anyway. And he constantly has to look after everything he owns.
If you have observed this closely, then you will realize that he’s badly off and has difficulties. You can develop compassion and see that this poor guy needs your help rather than an argument. Then you can step aside and let him hit the wall. Or you stop him in a way that is unpleasant for him. But when you react in this way, it must never be out of anger! You have to be aware that if he develops a habit of behaving badly, then it will be very difficult for him to change again. So stop him now.
You can handle people as you like, impress them, be charming, and so on, as long as you wish to liberate them. Check yourself! With compassion and the wish to be useful for others, you can apply your charm. And if you are free of anger, then you can be hard on others in order to help them.
First, always keep the liberating Buddhist view in mind. Then when you begin to see more clearly how people live, what they wish for, and how many difficulties they actually have, aversion will constantly decrease and your wishes for their happiness will increase.
Anger is something that comes fresh from the machine. It is hatred if it has been stored in the warehouse for a while.
Anger is there if you react to something. In the case of hatred, the memory of unpleasant experiences is already there, and then negative feelings are activated. Hatred has deep roots and can spread widely. Anger is more a short-term reaction and then you forget the situation.
The gradient within Europe is interesting as well: The farther you go south, the faster anger flares up; but the people there also get rid of it quickly. In Northern Europe, anger appears more slowly but it also stays longer. So the emotional reactions within Europe are a bit different.