If one is greatly disturbed by the behavior of another person, how can one deal with it without getting angry?

Lama Ole’s answer:

When anger is triggered by habits, then it is important to be aware of what is happening there. Generally speaking, I am not against powerfully intervening in situations, as long as when you do it you don’t exclude the other people from your good wishes!

You can’t draw a line, saying, “Humanity is there and I am here.” Instead, bring in something positive and work with it. Then you’ll move forward. Of course you should show if you feel disturbed, otherwise you will become neurotic. You should just show it in a controlled, friendly way.

So if there is something that strongly disturbs you—if, for example, you see that your relationship with your boyfriend is about to end because he is always leaving his socks on the table when you two are about to eat—remember that he doesn’t do this to tease you. He does it because he didn’t learn any other way, maybe because he was raised badly. You tell him that it disturbs you and that it damages your relationship. Then, if he changes his habit, it is an act of love. And if he doesn’t change this habit, then you can use the energy of your anger to build up as much strength as you need to be able to move out.

But in the long run, one shouldn’t make a martyr of oneself. The following example illustrates this: A married couple had lived together for a long time and used to have rolls on Sundays. The husband would eat the upper half and his wife the lower. But there was always something about this that bothered both of them. After a long time, they realized that the man actually wanted to eat the lower half and the woman the upper half.

It is not good if one is so thin-skinned that one cannot talk to fellow human beings. It is better to find a good way of communicating and to keep in contact.