Lama Ole’s answer:
If people want to help, without having helped themselves first, they are usually pushed away. No one likes these attempts to help that are sticky and too personal. Many people have a good sense of what is unhealthy—when the helpers want to hide from their own problems and throw themselves onto others instead. Other people might not do so much, but they stand there broad-shouldered and everybody wants a share of their vibrations. These people are more helpful than you might think.
This is also a reason why people laugh at the many relief organizations and religious institutions, even though they’re helpful. The drunks go there as long as they are hungry, and get a cup of soup and a sermon. But as soon as they’re doing a bit better, they go a little farther down the road to get the soup without the sermon. We can indeed sense what is healthy and what is unhealthy. Even dogs sense why they are being petted—whether a person really likes them or is just trying not to get bitten.