Author: Lama Ole Nydahl

Does it make sense to discuss Buddhism with people who have a completely different point of view?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Everything I have told you about Buddhism I have said to strengthen your mind. It is not a weapon or a tool to help you win arguments or become a debate champion. When a discussion arises, it is enough to wish other people all the best while we enjoy our freedom to find happiness in our own way.

As long as people don’t try to put pressure on us or take away our freedom, we should wish them all the best and pay attention to what really interests us. But if they try to talk to us like missionaries, we should know where we stand and tell them that in a friendly way. It should happen in a calm manner and without trying to prove anything or “win” the discussion.

How can we help people who are so trapped in their difficult situation that they can’t help themselves on their own?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Instead of making the people into sinners, build a human bridge first. Perhaps you are the only one who takes a bit of time for that person. For example, when you go to the butcher, you are friendly to begin with. You don’t speak moralistically, pointing out how many animals had to die. That would just ruin everything. Then after a while, when you have established a good connection, you might be the only one the butcher can open up to a bit. Maybe he says, “Actually, I have a lot of bad dreams and am often afraid.” And you could say, “Maybe you are picking up some of the fear from the animals you kill.”

You keep it short so that he doesn’t think you are trying to educate him. And when he has digested that, you can give him a suggestion sometime, like, “There is a new position open at the post office. Wouldn’t you rather work there?” Helping others does not mean only being nice; it also means stopping them when they make mistakes. But even with difficult people, one mustn’t break the bond. Maybe you are the first person they’ve met who can help them somehow. Then you really need to have a lot of patience and build people up again and again.

The Bodhisattva Promise is about wishing to help all beings. How does one do this in a practical way?

In 1972, when Hannah and I were more or less the first to start, I also thought that I had to do everything for everybody. I tried it and quickly fell on my nose because when the hat doesn’t fit, it simply doesn’t fit. In the meantime, I’ve come down from my high horse of wanting to help everyone; now I stick to the ones who can understand what I’m saying. Fortunately, we are not the only people who do things for others. Among the socialists, Christians, Hindus, and the other Buddhist schools, there are also people who are there for those who aren’t drawn to my way of working or to our groups. We don’t need to take care of the mentally ill or the welfare cases because there are people who are trained and paid to do that. And we are happy about their good work.

We also contribute our part to this by paying our taxes—for example, with 80 cents on every liter of gas we pump and with 19% sales tax on everything we buy. This is why we don’t need to do anything more than to stay true to our own thing. We do what is right and what we ourselves have understood. There are other hats for other heads, so we don’t need to water down our teachings nor make them simpler. It is just not our responsibility to offer something that fits everyone. Instead, we want to convey what we have in a clear and sensible manner. This way everyone who has a head or heart for it can come into contact with a pure transmission and clear teachings.

We take care of the people who would otherwise find nothing anywhere else—people who are too critical and independent and who think too clearly to feel at home under a god or in a hierarchical system. We offer these people a field where they can grow and learn.

How can we know what is best for all beings in the long run? We want to act for the benefit of all beings, but we are not enlightened.

Lama Ole’s answer:

It can be a bit difficult to figure out what brings happiness and what leads away from happiness. So I would just use the old bit of folk wisdom: treat others the way you’d like them to treat you. I would start with what is self-evident, with what people like. Be nice to them and avoid harming them.

There are three different levels of benefiting others. On the first level, we can give them food and vitamins but maybe not a bottle of schnapps if they still have to drive home. We do what is in front of our nose; we give them the material things that will help them in the short run. The best thing you can do as a good Buddhist is to look far into the future and see the large-scale problems like overpopulation. Then you can look for the causes of those problems and remove them.

In Rwanda or Bosnia, for example, there are definitely too many people on too little land. Since they treat each other badly, they have no decent level of education, no decent standard of living. And you look far ahead and say, “Condoms instead of cannons to Africa!” Then you talk with friends, and maybe one of them knows a man in Parliament or Congress who might say, “We need to make sure the people from the warm countries don’t overrun us, making us all become poor. Then no one will be able to do anything in the long run anymore. Instead, if they have fewer children, they will be able to live better.” In this way, you gradually raise awareness of the problem. But I would not intervene in things you can’t directly influence.
On the second level, one can meet people’s needs for more enduring things. One can make people independent—for example, through training and education—and teach them to manage their own lives. But that still only helps until the grave. Rich men might be driven to the cemetery in a longer hearse or leave behind a larger debt, but they will still arrive at their graves in the end.

On the third level, the best gift that one can give others is to bring them into contact with the Buddha’s teachings, to make them aware of their own buddha nature. Everything that makes people independent is good, and whatever makes them dependent, whatever confines them and makes them weak is not good. Every time you give people confidence in themselves and their possibilities, you have done something good. This is what Buddha does. He doesn’t just say, “Ten percent more for the workers!” but he brings us to a level where there is less greed, avarice and jealousy.

We should strive to show people the timeless space-clarity of their own minds: that which is between the thoughts, that which knows what is thought, experienced and felt. If we can give people more space between their ears, or their ribs, or wherever they think their mind is, then we have really helped them. This way we act very practically, step by step. We learn through practice. If one always does one’s best for the good of others again and again, one seldom makes mistakes.

Can one always act for the benefit of others or shouldn’t one sometimes think of oneself?

Lama Ole’s answer:

If one thinks like that, there is some fundamental misunderstanding. To the extent that we work for others, they also do something for us. Of course, we should also act intelligently. One shouldn’t give free-loaders money or give difficult people the chance to be difficult. If someone is always hanging on your apron strings, you shouldn’t let them take advantage of you—that doesn’t help anyone. The best thing is a cheerful exchange with others, where everyone gives what they have.

The more you give on a human level, the more you get. The mind is like a well. If you always draw water from it, then it is always fresh. But if you don’t take any water, then at some point there are five dead frogs lying in the well and you can’t drink from it.

I wouldn’t think about myself so much. When we think of ourselves we have problems, but when we think of others we have important things to do! I wouldn’t bring this “I” into it at all. I would try to see what is most useful. Sometimes it might be more helpful to do something for oneself, and other times to do something for others. You might do chin-ups to make yourself strong, and then later you can carry a piano up the stairs for someone else. When you act in this way, you won’t have so many concepts involved. If you do what is in front of your nose and always have the feeling of “we,” then everything is big.
This way you will also experience that we are all mutually dependent on each other—that we all condition each other in a reciprocal way. If one starts with the attitude of doing things for oneself, one might have to change lanes to understand that it’s about a “we.” But if one doesn’t distinguish between “I” and “we” but just does what needs to be done—what is fun and what flows in each moment—then everything is a gift. Then power-fields and connections appear; possibilities condense out of space and you are always at home. The most important thing is to always be in one’s center, to rest within oneself, to trust oneself. Out of this center, we can then act from a position of surplus and power.

If we always act selflessly, don’t we run the risk of being passed over of misused?

Some people think that acting selflessly means making yourself small and supporting everyone else at your own expense. Coming from a Christian point of view, we are used to thinking in “either-or” terms, making one person small and the other big, but that is too simple. If you think you can do the best job in a certain situation, then acting selflessly can mean putting yourself forward. It means that in every situation one aims for whatever will bring the highest level of benefit to all.

The most selfless thing one can do is to not take other people’s bad trips seriously. Don’t put energy into them; don’t play along. See the trips as “rabbits with antlers,” as the Tibetans say—as something that doesn’t exist. Instead, put the best trip forward. If you commit yourself to the highest level of truth, you’ll cultivate the best thing that can happen in any situation.

Shouldn’t our priority in the Diamond Way be helping others? Isn’t it egotistical for us to only spend our free time on our own practice?

I try not to get too stiff here. When people do something for themselves I always say, “Do it with the motivation to be able to share with others and benefit them later.”

And when people do something good for others I say, “Be happy that you have the chance to build up good karma for yourself”! Many people have the idea that they need to make themselves strong before helping others. Other people want to help under all circumstances, without making themselves strong first—but then they are not able to do much. Both of these extremes are quite common.

I always advise people to see the big picture and to separate themselves from others as little as possible. If you think, “When I do something good for myself, may others also be happy!”, then you’ll see it as a resource to be able to do more for others. And when you do something for others, you can be happy that you’re developing good karma and insight. Cutting through this idea of an “I” and a “you” is a very good idea.

Everything is the art of the possible. In Buddhism, there are three different ways to benefit beings. You can benefit them as a king does: first you make yourself strong and then you share with others. You can benefit them like a boatman, thinking, “let’s all reach the far bank of the river together.” And finally, you can benefit them like a shepherd: you help the others through first and then you go yourself.

Christianity mainly uses the shepherd system, but there is always a victim role involved along with the attitude that helping must be difficult and full of suffering. That comes from Jesus, who demonstrated it through his own suffering and sacrifice. In Buddhism, the attitude is completely different. With us, helping is the highest joy and something completely natural. If people have good karma, they meet you on a day when your actions are effective and successful, and if they have bad karma they come on a day when you’re making mistakes. And the whole time you simply do your best and see what works. There is no commandment from above. Minds in development may not always be equally talented, but they are basically nice. One does what one can, and people get something more or less useful depending on their karma. The more you enjoy helping others the better.

Why is it that sometimes we aren’t well received by people even when we want to do something useful for them?

Lama Ole’s answer:

I always think that the karma of the people was not good enough, and then I happily go on to the next job. If you always do your best, then the rest is the other people’s karma.

Everyone has their own karma. One can only help others if a ring and hook come together—if openness is present. If this is not possible, one has to passively give them some positive energy, and at some point, when they forget to think about themselves, it will sink in.

Naturally, it is also a question of how skillfully you present things. There are people who could sell long underwear in the Sahara and others who couldn’t even sell it in Greenland. If you don’t manage to get through to someone, then chalk it up to experience and try to learn something. Maybe later there will be a situation where you are able to handle it better.

When I talk with people who have wrong views, I get arrogant quite quickly. And when they notice that, they accept what I say even less. Would it be better for me not to say anything at all?

Lama Ole’s answer:

At some point that simply stops. First try to understand that they are all buddhas and that it is actually fantastic that they can think at all and that you can share something with them. Then try to build things up from this level.

One should always try to focus on something beautiful about the other person. If his face is a bit strange, then perhaps his hands are nice, or his tie, or the car he drives, or his girlfriend—anything! Find something that interests you, and that sets him at ease as well, and make that the basis of the encounter. Then from this point of richness, you expand the connection more and more until you can really share something.

At the same time, one must also understand that the reason something disturbs us in others, making us arrogant and proud, is that we have a problem with these things ourselves. One must keep this in mind; it’s easy to forget. The world is just a mirror for ourselves. We only take issue with things on the outside if we still have a few thorny patches on the inside. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk with others until we are enlightened. We only learn by doing!

If you have a problem to clear up with someone, then you can start on a level where you see eye to eye. Then you can simply say, in a very matter-of-fact way, “Hey, yesterday I heard you say this and that. Did you really mean it that way? I think about it like this…” Start first from a level of surplus, and then it will go over well. When you really like people, they will accept anything from you! They’ll feel it.

You are a young bodhisattva, so it’s actually just a matter of time until the stiff style is gone and you can follow your heart completely. And you don’t lose wisdom in the process; you don’t get dull or unclear. You keep the clarity, and at the same time you are free to focus on what you want and to help beings in different ways.

How should we react when we are provoked?

Lama Ole’s answer:

It is always a sign of strength if you can be good-natured. Small dogs have to bark, but big dogs don’t need to—everyone knows they’re strong. It’s also like that with us. The protector practice helps make us strong, and in critical situations we can then stay good-natured and cool. This is what it’s about.

That’s how you can recognize your own development. How much space do you have? How do you view what people do? Instead of feeling attacked, do you simply think, “Why do they do that? Why do they jump up and down, roll their eyes, and make funny noises. Why on earth would they act like that?”

What I am telling you here carries great responsibility. This is also part of the Bodhisattva Promise. The fastest way to develop is to always act as nobly as possible. Try to behave like a bodhisattva, even when you can’t stop the habits of your speech and you hear yourself saying something you know you shouldn’t say; or when you can’t control your mind and you find yourself in a corner where you don’t want to be; or when you can’t control your body and you do things that you know will drive others up the wall.

But even if you can’t stop yourself, you should at least try to see that it is happening among buddhas. One can smile a bit, make a joke about the scene one is making so that it doesn’t get too serious and heavy, so that it opens up a bit. Try to see the situation from the highest possible level. Simply decide that it is happening among buddhas—that it makes sense, that it’s good the way it’s unfolding.

This is the essence of everything I am talking about here. The disturbing emotions and the stupid habits are strong, but they are also klutzy. We can develop more and more space around the habits to avoid an attack of emotion or to just let it pass by. There are so many possibilities. Start a mantra so that the disturbing emotion slips away as though on a film of oil, or suddenly say “pei!” inwardly and then concentrate on something else. There are so many ways to block these emotional packages and tear them apart.

It is part of Diamond Way practice to see these trips are a dream, as old remnants of habits that one must not take seriously. Ninety percent of all problems are quite stupid. But they are part of people’s growth process. And if one is not there in the moment and is not able to give others what they need, then they don’t develop.

Maybe their problem seems stupid to us if we have meditated a few years longer or done more in the last life, but for them it feels very real. Then we have to address it and do our best. This is hard sometimes if one is in a rush. In business life, we don’t always have to deal with the problem, but in our relationships with others as Buddhists, we do. That applies to all of you—in the centers, those who travel with me, and so on.

OK, if people just want to make problems, then send them away. But if they have a real issue, we have to deal with it and not think of ourselves as better. Instead, see yourself as a midwife and think, “Ah, a beautiful child is coming into the world.”

Sometimes I think that my main motivation for practice is fear. Is this also alright?

Lama Ole’s answer:

In your case, I would simply think, “OK, the fear is my horse!” As soon as fear comes up, you think, “Today my fear is particularly strong, so I will meditate a great deal!” I would let it run and use it again and again as a motor for the meditation. One day you will look around and all the veils will be gone. So use it!

One can learn to use the energy of a disturbing feeling, be it fear, jealousy, or any other. If one learns to use this power, the possibilities are huge.

What can one do against fears that keep coming back?

Lama Ole’s answer:

The best way to fight fear is in the long term. Working with the mind is like working with the body. If we do a lot of pull-ups today, we will not be strong today but rather tomorrow. Today, the arms hurt.

Meditation works exactly like this. If we have a problem today, we cannot remove it through meditating today. If, however, we meditated yesterday, the problem will not come today. And if it still comes, we can just wipe it off the table. We simply do not plant and harvest on the same day.

However, there are also methods for working on something like this quickly. Imagine you are in the process of conquering your mind, and then suddenly some problem shows up: fear, anger, clumsiness, or something like that. You can deal with it in two ways. Either you attack the problem or the disturbing emotion directly, sending in two battalions and saying, “Stop! That is not okay!” If you have enough capital in the form of good impressions in mind, then this will succeed. But if you notice that you don’t yet have enough knights in shining armor to get through this way—that is, the necessary motivation, power, or confidence—then you conquer the surrounding land instead. You just go on and do not think about the problem. Don’t identify with it; don’t feed it. Then when you look for the problem later on, it’s nowhere to be found.

Another option is to confront one’s fear by meeting it head on—no matter how bad it feels at first. This way one breaks its neck and it will never come back again. I remember one example from my own life when I was a child. I was visiting my uncle in Jutland and there was a thick electric cable in his basement. I had been told that this cable turned into a snake at night. One morning, my parents came down into the basement and saw me—I was probably three or four years old—with the cable in one hand and a club in the other. I had stood there all night, waiting for it to turn into a snake so I could smash it up. This is one way to deal with fear. But one can also go the way of wisdom and discover that there is no snake at all. This is easier of course.

How can one quickly dissolve fear?

Lama Ole’s answer:

Look around and think, “Who might want to buy this fear?” Then think, “She won’t buy it, he won’t either, and she over there is also not interested!” So you notice, “Well, maybe this fear is useless!” and then simply throw it away.

Fear is also often connected to the breath. One breathes in a wrong and irregular way in a fearful situation. So one technique is to force oneself to breathe more slowly and deeply. Breathe in to a point just below the navel. Hold the breath for a moment in the belly as if in a vase—but not to the point of dizziness—then breathe out again. If you breathe deeply like this a couple of times, the fear will gradually go away.

The best way to deal with all fears and difficulties is to think, “All beings are my friends and will benefit if I’m doing well. So I will simply give my best in doing whatever is in front of my nose.” Then one does just that. This is also good if one gets scared before exams. Then think, “This is actually a complete conspiracy. The examiner wants me to pass; the teacher wants me to pass. It’s all in my favor.” And then go into the exam, sit down with your friends, explain to them everything they didn’t understand, and give it your best in the exam. Make your environment so friendly that you can only win.

How does fear appear?

Answer of Lama Ole Nydahl:

Fear is not a primary or secondary feeling, but a tertiary one. The primary, basic disturbing feeling is ignorance; from this, others arise such as confusion, pride, and anger. Out of these then fear arises.

Fear originates from old anger and resentment which come up again and which one cannot stand having in one’s own mind. If one has these disturbing feelings inside oneself, and one’s mind looks at its own content, then it will see things it does not like and experience fear.

The outer world is a projection of our mind. If we look through rose-colored glasses, the world is beautiful. If we look through black glasses, it is horrible. We will have fear if the anger, resentment, and disturbances inside us have not been worked out. The best way to get rid of fear is to very consciously wish all beings everything good every day, as often and deeply as possible. There is no fear that will not disappear then; the blockages that one cannot bear will fall away. Good wishes for others are the strongest antidote.

In the case of anger and fear, it is also very good to do one million repetitions of the mantra om mani peme hung. This mantra is like an all-purpose cleaner. Om removes pride, ma dissolves jealousy, ni removes attachment, pe cuts through confusion, me eliminates avarice and greed, and hung destroys anger. Whenever we say om mani peme hung, we clean the inner mirror of our mind. This is very effective!

What is meant by the four veils?

Lama Ole’s answer:

There are four veils covering our mind. Above all, there is basic ignorance—the inability to see that subject, object, and action are part of the same totality. Second, there are the disturbing emotions that arise from this ignorance. Third, there are the negative words and actions that arise from these disturbing feelings, and finally the habits that subsequently develop.

These four veils keep us from seeing the true nature of mind, from experiencing the real power and joy inside us. They are linked to one another like a chain. No matter where you break the chain, all of the links immediately become useless. If one tackles the disturbing emotions, one will also have fewer bad experiences. Then one will also be less and less interested in going against others, and the habits will slowly fade away as well. Or if, for example, one dissolves one’s own basic ignorance, the rest also falls away.

Whoever wants to eliminate the habitual veils should stay in meditation a bit longer and meditate on “space as joy,” on “space as freshness and possibility.” Here, we should especially hold the state of naked awareness, where we are not conscious of something but rather conscious of awareness itself. In this state, our habitual tendencies from beginningless time break up and dissolve.