Lama Ole’s answer:
With couples or really small groups in close relationships, then surely everyone involved has a share of the problem. But when ninety percent of the people we know have the same problem with us, then we shouldn’t try to wiggle out of it by saying, “Oh, how strange, they’ve all built up the same illusion!” There we have to take a close look at ourselves.
As America’s Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” This is a good rule of thumb to check oneself and to see how one is perceived by others. If one always has the same argument with people, then perhaps one has an old anger issue or something subliminal that disturbs others. I take it quite seriously when people tell me something.
Intelligence is described as the ability to adapt to new situations. It’s a good sign if one can change now and then and cut off a few kilos of useless behavioral fat.
We aren’t being true to our principles by hanging on to stupid habits. If we are always offending others, we can’t just say, “Well, I have a personality.”
And you should really be glad when people point out your shortcomings because then you can learn. That is the basic reason why every dictatorship falls: people discover that the boss can’t stand to hear anything bad about himself. Then his inner circle starts to shield him from what’s really happening, and suddenly the whole population has taken off in another direction. The boss is left with just a little pyramid of fifteen “yes men,” and the whole thing collapses.
We should be glad to get criticism. As long as people criticize, we can learn. When they give up on you and don’t say anything or talk behind your back, then you have a problem.